31 August 2020

Today, Paul and I had lunch with Mary, Luna and Mama Zee. I sat next to Mama Zee. It’s beautiful to be near her. The conversation over lunch was mostly between Luna and Mary - Luna was asking for the names of various Sufis throughout history who fit particular stereotypes in the Western mind for her thesis work. Many names I am somewhat familiar with were mentioned: Niffari, Shibli and Hallaj (from Paul, of course), Abdul Khadr (all 3 of them), Omar Khayyam, Rumi, Rabia, Imam Jafar Sadiq and many others whose names elude me now. It’s such a fascinating and revealing lens through which to look at history.

As the plates were being cleared, Mama Zee began to share some more of her stories about childhood, WWII in Denmark, and various people she had met in her life and experiences she had had along the way. What an incredible life it has been; and yet she still questions why human beings act in the ways they do; why we can be so violent and hurtful, rather than peaceful and helpful; why we can never quite seem to pull it all together. I suppose there really is no end to our not-knowing. What a mystery. What a relief!

She also extended her story about going to Mecca to shout at God when SFH decided to take another wife. In this telling, she described how she had felt her heart get taken out of her chest and washed in light. To hear her say these words and to feel her sincerity is an experience I will never forget.

That said, it wasn’t so much the stories, but her eyes that captivated me today. Though she is old, her eyes are electrically, vivifyingly, entrancingly blue and clear and ageless. The light is sometimes overwhelming, but with her it is both direct and maternal and I have sat here now for many minutes and cannot even begin to fathom what else to say about her piercing blueness.

God bless her, and God bless Luna and Mary, and God bless all women for their strength and gentleness.

“He said: What is the gaze?
I said: One of the properties of identity.
He said: What is identity?
I said: You, Allah.
He said: You have spoken the Real.
I said: You spoke through me.
He said: Behold my bliss.”

-- Muhammad Niffari